Unraveling

I am excited for this new year! 2022 will be an exciting journey of discovery. Every journey of discovery has moments of excitement, moments of mess, moments of discovering you were wrong about something and can redirect your path. While some of these things are uncomfortable, they are all positive. It is a good thing to learn you’ve thought wrong about something. That is growth. I never want my life to be a stagnant regurgitation of someone else’s truths. As long as I remain open and teachable, I will continue to grow. I believe we are supposed to spend our entire lives growing. So, here’s to a new year of growth.

When I started writing these blogs just over a year ago, I was hit with all the feelings of insecurities. I’m sure every human has felt insecure about something in their life. I have had the tendency to measure myself against others and have the thoughts of who am I to write a blog when there are so many people I know who write far more eloquently and have put in so much study time into their writing. I had to remind myself that we are all supposed to just be ourselves. We hurt ourselves by comparing ourselves to others. God made me to be me. As I was reflecting on this past year, I wrote this: 2021 has helped me to see the diamond on the inside. There’s a strength within that I knew was there to some degree, but I’ve had the opportunity to actually discover it more this year. Then I heard this deep inside me: Be outrageously you! So, this year, I purpose to be outrageously me. It is scary, uncomfortable, and vulnerable, yet also freeing and exciting!

For those who know me, 2020 started an unraveling in me. A song I had on repeat in the fall of 2020 was the song Unraveling by Cory Asbury. I’m going to add the lyrics here.

I’m coming apart at the seams
And everyone’s pulling at me
And I am unraveling
This smile isn’t quite what it seems
But it does well to hide what’s beneath
Where the pressure is staggering

In the unraveling
Father unravel me
When I can’t feel a thing
Have mercy and let me bleed
I know it’s dumb
But I have been numb
For way too long
And oh, oh, oh
And oh, oh, oh, oh

So goodbye now, yellow brick road
Thanks a lot what I need is back home
So homeward I’m traveling

And in the unraveling
Father unravel me
When I can’t feel a thing
Have mercy and let me bleed
I know it’s dumb
But I have been numb
For way too long
And oh, oh, oh
And oh, oh, oh, oh

I don’t wanna be alone anymore
I don’t wanna survive anymore
And I wanna feel, unravel me
Yeah

I’m coming apart at the seams
It’s worse than I thought it would be
But I’ve never been happier

Parts of this song hit me on such a deep level, but the ending is so profound. I’ve never been happier! When you journey in open vulnerability with God, life is better than you could ever have imagined, even in the midst of chaos. 2020 started an unraveling in me. It’s almost as if a thread on my outfit came loose or was snagged and pulling on that thread set off an unraveling of discovery. What I was clothed in was not what I was meant to be clothed in but rather something that was covering up the truth of who I was. The unraveling has continued in 2021 and that’s a good thing. It will continue on. We were never meant to be covered up. We were meant to reveal the glory, the light that shines within. The best way to shine our light is to be authentically ourselves. Don’t ever try to mould yourself after someone else. Don’t be afraid to be you. Be you unapologetically.

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