There is so much rolling around in my heart and head for this new year! So much excitement but also some nerves as being vulnerable is definitely not comfortable.
I’m reminded of so much of what I’ve seen with God. Of course, when we first see things, we don’t always see them the way they’ll play out. We tend to see a less intense version, a less vulnerable version.
Years ago, God showed me that I would be called a freak and a heretic by some. It wasn’t a pretty picture, but He told me to gaze intently in His eyes so that when they ridicule me, all I see is Him. When I had that experience, I imagined it to be very uncomfortable, but in my naivety, I thought those who’d call me a freak or a heretic would be strangers or people who weren’t close to me. Never did I imagine it to be some of the closest relationships I had.
God is so faithful to walk with us through everything. I have learned valuable things about myself in this past year and have uncovered strengths in me that have been hidden by insecurities. I have a long way to go, but I will continue to journey.
Someone shared a song with me a couple weeks ago and it is hugely impacting me. I’ve listened to it countless times today. It’s called “A Woman” by Ellie Holcomb and Amy Grant. I’ll include the lyrics.
“A Woman”
I could never speak it
But I didn’t quit when they called me heretic
They said I was too dangerous
So, I stood with all the women at a distance
But once my name crossed His lips
How could I keep quiet
He is not ashamed to be
Seen with me beside Him
I have seen the Lord
I will speak of Him
And nobody could talk me out of it
I have seen the Lord
And my Lord’s seen me
Oh, He said my name
And told me ‘go and speak
Of what you’ve seen’
How could I not speak it
That You didn’t quit when they called You heretic
They said it was too scandalous
For You to come so close to me
But You still did it
And once my name crossed His lips
How could I keep silent
He is not ashamed to be
Seen with me beside Him
I have seen the Lord
I will speak of Him
And nobody could talk me out of it
I have seen the Lord
And my Lord’s seen me
Oh, He said my name
And told me ‘go and speak
Of what you’ve seen’
I will run and tell the story of
The One denied stayed buried but it is alive
Spirit’s setting tongues on fire
All the heaven’s singing glory, glory, glory
Trees are clapping, clapping, clapping
Rocks are shouting, shouting, shouting
And then there’s me, a woman
And I will speak
Of what I’ve seen
I will speak
Of what I’ve seen
Go and speak
Of what you’ve seen
Go and speak
Of what you’ve seen
Go and speak
As much as it hurts to be looked down on and called or thought of as a freak or a heretic, when you’ve truly encountered Christ, nothing can take that away from you. It doesn’t matter how much I’m laughed at or spoken poorly of; He is never ashamed to be seen with me. We are one.
It would be nice if insecurities magically disappeared, yet in reality they are worked out of us in the small consistent steps we take forward. We each have the choice to continually step forward out of our insecurities or to hide behind them. Freedom is found in the forward journey. No matter what, I will choose to press on.
Leave a Reply